|So, who thought I was dead?
||[Oct. 22nd, 2008|05:05 pm]
Some of you did, admit it...
Well rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. I've just been in a sexual desert for an unforgivably long time. I'd be surprised if I even remember how to do half of the skills on my former sexual resume. It's sad, really.
But enough languishing by myself in the world of masturbation and self pity, I need to get LAID!
And not just any run-of-the-mill "lay back and think of England" kind of laid. I need some sheet-ripping, dish-crashing, neighbors calling the cops, it's going to take months to patch the holes in my wall, extra makeup to hide the bruises kind of laid.
So, the search for a sex partner continues in earnest, and there's actually a non-old, non-fugly, non-crazy candidate.
-> *insert gasp of shock and disbelief*
Yes, after surfing through the teenagers who just want to get laid, the men old enough to be my grandfather (a few times over), the creepy nuts who expect INSTANTANEOUS obedience... yes, there are a lot of them, and the desperate losers who think that BDSM = lots of pussy and don't know what the hell they're doing.
No in-person meeting scheduled yet, but I'm very hopeful, as this is the first promising candidate I've seen in about 3 years. Three years... that's really pathetic.
So in the interim, during all this "getting to know you" phase, I want to hear about all of YOUR guys' sexual escapades, what I should do on our first meeting... just generally as much dirty smut as you care to pump out.
Heh heh... pump.